


Hold Me

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Evil Morgana (Merlin), F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Kissing, Magic, Magic Revealed, Pining Merlin (Merlin), Very little comfort tbh, ish, she tries her best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: Morgana will never stop, and Merlin's heart is torn
Relationships: Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89
Collections: ⚜👑⚜ Merlin ⚜👑⚜





	1. Death

**Author's Note:**

> Another warm-up piece I thought you guys might like

She would never stop. He saw it in her eyes, and she looked right back at him, the anger and hatred and despair that he understood. It would always end with this moment, with her facing him, the two that were destined to be at Arthur’s side. One opposing, the other in the shadows.

‘Please.’ He begged, looked to the Knights that had fallen. To his friends, that he had fought for, that he protected. Camelot’s alarm bell had stopped ringing, probably because most of the Knights were dead, that the Round Table Knights were only alive because Morgana had a bigger enemy. Him.

They were pushed back to the wall, their armour clanking and weapons useless, while Arthur lay, just about alive and waiting for his sister to kill him. Gwen was sobbing, and Gaius was in the room, yet Merlin only had eyes for her. For the woman that stood, perfectly poised, green eyes studying him with every emotion he was currently feeling.

It was how it had always was. He loved her, Gods he loved her so much. It ached in his chest, burnt so badly that he wanted nothing more than to hold her.

‘The darkness wasn’t Uther. It was me…’ She whispered, the realisation coming to her in a wave. On the floor, where Merlin had run a sword through him, Mordred. The Knight that had betrayed Arthur, that Merlin had killed with the Magic he had tried so hard to hide. If he looked to Lancelot, he prayed the Knight would be supportive, but he doubted it. After all, Merlin was the only one to blame now.

He had killed Mordred, the sword still sticky with blood, and now he knew what he had to do.

‘Please, don’t do this.’ Don’t kill Arthur, put down the weapon and come forwards, let him help her. She stared at him, eyes filled with tears, and he knew they couldn’t go back. That there was no way for him to forgive her, and she did not ask for it.

‘I understand, now.’ She whispered, lowered the sword she was holding and let it drop, had Arthur skidding back across the floor with no more than a flick of her hand. Stepping closer, tears spilling over.

‘I was so alone, Merlin. My Magic… I thought I was hated. That nobody would want me.’ She fell silent, her Magic was no longer aggressive, her eyes did not show malice. They were lost, and he hoped she would be able to forgive him for what he had to do.

‘I wanted you.’ It hurt to admit, and Morgana’s smile spread as his heart cracked.

When they embraced, when he finally placed his hands on either side of her face like he’d been dying to, it was everything. He kissed her fiercely, demanded the affection that they both needed, felt her hands grip at his shirt with the knowledge of what was to come. Her lips were everything he’d dreamed of, soft yet harsh, never meant to fit against his.

It wasn’t their Destiny, to fall in love. It was never in the equation, and so it couldn’t hold a place here.

‘Do it.’ She whispered, begged, and Merlin would not deny her anymore. He couldn’t, and so he pulled her back to him, unable to look in her eyes. Instead, he stared at the end of the room, past those that he cared for, focused on the wall. Gripped her tightly, tried to store this memory in his head, how it felt to hold her like she deserved.

‘I love you.’ He did, always had, unable to hurt her despite how she attacked. Unable to kill her, no matter what the Destiny had said. Morgana sobbed, held onto him and nodded against his shirt.

‘I love you too.’ His hand moved, her gasp filling the silence, but he caught her. Moved her gently, eased her down to the floor as the blood spread from the stab-wound, as he let the dagger tumble from his hand. It had been a gift from Arthur, a knife he’d kept hidden, and now he’d never be able to hold it again.

‘You’re okay. You’re fine, it’s all going to be okay.’ He promised, brushing his hands over her skin and cradling her as she looked up, reached for his cheek. She was so light, had been hurt so much, and it was all his fault. All of this, placed on their shoulders.

‘Never were a good liar, Emrys.’ Her thumb brushed over his bottom lip, and Merlin smiled weakly, felt his tears track down his face, drop from his chin and land on her dress.

‘Shh, rest your eyes, love. It’ll be alright, everything,’ He choked back a sob, swallowed down his breaking heart, ‘everything is okay.’

‘Thank you.’ She whispered, before her hand slipped from his face, and Merlin was left cradling the woman that he loved.

He cried. He could do nothing else, pulled her body up to him and screamed, clutched at her body and buried his head into her neck, uncaring of everything else in the world. Uncaring of the dark clouds that rumbled overhead, of the lightning that lit the darkened room. Of the people who watched him fall apart.

Destiny had asked for everything, and now he was empty.


	2. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just added a little bit to this, thought it suited the piece

She was so incredibly light, he thought, stepping through the trees and humming to himself. He cared not if the others were following, if Arthur had ordered his execution. He only cared for Morgana, limp in his arms, her body lying across his arms in a serving reminder that he had literally stabbed her in the back.

When he reached his destination, he set to work. Let his Magic moved out, alter the dark and dreary dress she had been wearing, dressed her in a light blue. It was a gown from one of the first times he’d met her, a dress that she had been wearing on the night when he realised he’d fallen in love with her.

Then, he set to work on her hair, unravelling the mess it had become. He worked his fingers through it with a light tune on his lips, refused to let anymore tears fall. Not yet, he had to do this properly. When her hair ran through his fingers like water, he began to braid. Morgana had always had a fondness of having things in her hair, pretty jewellery, or bright flowers. Merlin had once had the honour of picking the flowers that would go in her hair, and he replicated them now.

Morgana’s hair, decorated with flowers of red and blue, was finished off and he looked to the surface of the water.

‘Freya, would you bring me a boat?’ He called out, and the Lady of the Lake responded by the surfacing of a small, wooden vessel. Merlin, pleased with this, scooped up his Lady and took her to lie in it, wrapped her cloak around her shoulders to keep her warm. It suited her, he thought, finishing off the ensemble with the dagger that he had used to kill her.

It was held between her hands, her eyes still glassy and open, and Merlin knew it was time. That he could not wait any longer, and he had to say goodbye to her.

A shaky hand reached for her, gently closed her eyes. He leant down, to press a kiss to her lips, tried not to let his tears fall onto her perfect skin. Stepping back, he moved from the water, stood on the bank and ignored the red capes of Camelot’s Knights.

‘Farewell, Morgana Pendragon, High Priestess of the Old Religion.’ He called, then let his eyes flick golden, whispered the words that had the boat floating out onto the Lake. He had to light it, he knew that, but his hand was shaking, his lips trembling.

This was all his fault. He had let Destiny rule him, and now he had no choice but to watch as he lost his heart. He had made the mistake of believing he could not save her, had poisoned the woman that he loved, to save a King that would probably have his head.

A hand closed over his as he crumbled, a damp body holding him up as he sobbed. Freya held him, was the strength that he needed to raise his head.

‘I’ll keep her safe, Merlin. You have my word.’ She promised, like he had promised everything would be okay. This time, when he looked out to the boat, a hand was holding his. Raising his fingers to look at the boat, at the second woman he had loved, and the second he burnt on the Lake.

‘ _In sibbe gereste._ ’ He whispered, the flames licking up the edges as he dropped to his knees in the low water, let it splash around him. Freya stood behind, a hand on his shoulder, and let Merlin cry.

‘I’m so sorry, Morgana.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extra angst


End file.
